There is a lot going on in my life right now and today for some reason I am especially missing my mom. She’s here physically but I miss my best friend- the person I called about every little thing. The person I could talk to about anything and everything. Laugh over something silly and get advice when I needed it.
I know I could pick up the phone and talk to her…pour my heart out to her and she would listen but she won’t retain it and she can’t actually form the sentences to give me the kind of feedback I am looking for. It’s days like today when I miss the intimacy of our relationship.
My heart knows she loves me and supports me. I know she probably misses me confiding in her too- how could she not? The dynamics of our communication has changed so much. I realize most of the time it probably isn’t even a passing thought to her as she is lost in her own mind but there are times I see it in her eyes as she looks at me.
On a logical level I know the best way to treat my mom is as if nothing has changed because inside she is still a grown woman in her seventies even if it feels like she is a toddler in need of care and guidance. The thing is I can’t open up and share with her like I used too. Selfish as it may be….it kills me when I bare my heart to her and she can’t remember within a few minutes what I said.
I’ve developed strong friendships and they are now my sounding board but even then…it isn’t the same as talking to my mom. I guess all of us who love my mom have to adapt and adjust but today….
Well today it just makes me sad and missing her.
Lost In Thought 