Mind Engaged

I mentioned to my Dad a couple of times now that I think it would be a good idea to get my Mom an iPad. Her grandson Gary plays on one and she always fascinated by it. Its something portable that she can take with her no matter where she goes. We can put games, coloring apps, puzzles, word searches etcetera on it and when they are at home or more importantly, out-an-about its something that can keep mom’s mind engaged so she doesn’t get overwhelmed with what is going on around her, what is familiar or more likely what isn’t.

I’ve heard a lot of people with family members that have Alzheimer’s say it is good to keep them actively engaged in something so one part of the brain can be working on that while another part can be present with their surroundings. I’m not sure I fully believe that is possible but hey, I am by nature a multitask guru in my own life so I know I can be doing one thing and focused on another and this is the basic concept. Perhaps it would simply be a way to help my mom’s brain from turning on itself when she is trying to engage with her environment. Then again, it could completely draw her in and she would lose focus on the world around her.

Regardless, I think it would be a good idea as I think my Dad could use something to keep my mom focused on when he needs to work on something. So….Mom and Dad are checking out the iPad mini and if they like it, most likely Ray and I will be adding it to our phone plan so she can have one. Siblings and grandchildren are welcome to help pay for the yearly extra phone line nd iPad costs if they want to contribute.

If anyone has any suggestions on activities, apps, games etcetera that would be good for her to have on her iPad – please comment and let me know.

Challenging Errands

Dad called me to help out a couple of days ago. They had bought a used truck and he needed to pay for it, get licensing and tabs and then drive it home. The problem was he couldn’t leave mom alone and he couldn’t have her drive the car home behind the truck. 

I forget as I go about the busyness of my own life just how restrictive my patents life has become. That isn’t to say they don’t go out and do things but it’s so much more challenging now and anything that one of them could have “run and done” now requires they both go. 

I’m glad I’m here to help out and I enjoy the time with my parents. Even when mom doesn’t understand what we are doing or why….I don’t mind keeping her entertained or at the very least less anxious. 

It still breaks my heart listening to her trying to form a sentence. Trying to communicate the thoughts in her brain but unable to do so. I guess the one good thing is my mom has always been one for an adventure and I believe that has helped her to “go with the flow” now when things make her so anxious. 

So, I am sure as things progress with my mom, it’s going to require that more and more of my time gets freed up so I can help my parents with those errands that have become so challenging. 

Hope can be Devastating

I’m not one of those people who gives up but I will admit that when I see my father trying anything and everything he can that might possibly help my mother regain her memory it kills me. I see the hope in their eyes as they talk about something new they have read up on that they think might help her – even a little.

I want to see my mother back as the woman she was a few years ago too but I guess I am not willing to open myself up for further hurt by hoping for a miracle to an invasive disease that is slowly robbing me of my mother, my friend. The funny thing is I am a very spiritual person and I believe that we have the power to create our own realities and the power to heal ourselves. I know….I am a dichotomy.

I feel like I bounce back and forth between my own feelings about this so I expect that my father does too. Knowing how I feel about my mother and the daily little losses I see I can’t even imagine how hard this has to be for my father. She is the love of his life – the sun in his day – the joy in his heart and he is losing her.

I can’t in all honesty, begrudge him hope, of any kind. In order for him to make it through this process he needs to hope against hope that something will return his wife to him. All I can do is be there for those moments of clarity when he realizes that he is continuing to lose her – piece by piece and love him through each stage. To love her through each stage.

Have I mentioned lately how much Alzheimer’s sucks? I mean….it really, really, REALLY sucks!

Clouds on a Sunny Day

Today is my youngest son’s 21st birthday. By all rights a day of celebration, a rite of passage, a milestone moment. As a family we went out to celebrate and went to a local food spot where we could get a “Pie and a Pint”. Some of the most delicious pizza with a pint of whatever is on tap. It’s a great little spot and made all the more enjoyable by the fact that Mom and Dad joined us.

Conversation moved around the table fast and furious as it usually does when we are all together. It was obvious that my mom was having trouble keeping up with the conversation and its quickly changing topics. That’s okay. We’ve all come to expect her to ask us “What?” several times as she tries to be part of everything around her. For all intents and purposes this was a great family time. A joyous, sunny occasion. But as I’ve come to understand with Alzheimer’s even the sunny moments bring clouds with them.

Two of my three sons were gathered and my dear sweet mother didn’t remember who they were. (Insert – heart-break for my kids here). They smiled and looked down like it didn’t affect them but as their mom…I know. I see the pain and the hurt in their faces and eyes as they realize that their Nona doesn’t know them by name any more. She “knows” them by sight. She knows they are family. She knows they are my children. She recognizes their names when they are said (for the most part) but the effects of this disease inevitably marches on and little pieces of her continue to go missing. This is just the newest little thing.

It doesn’t happen every time she sees them but its enough for the heart to be flayed open – wounded and hurting – as the family adjusts, as my kids adjust, as I adjust…knowing that the loss of her memory of me is not far behind. I could mope and moan and cry…don’t think that won’t come later because it certainly will but today I will smile and hide the hurt and be grateful that she was here with us today and as present as she could be.