So a couple days ago my parents stopped by the house for a few minutes to chat with me about a couple things. Nothing big…did I want something they had kept of my youngest son’s from when he was a little boy? Was I willing to help them post some things for sale that they had decided to get rid of? On and on the simple, quick questions came. No biggie, little life things, and then they were headed back out the door.
Coats on, heading out the door, my Dad casually mentions that the reason they were going through paperwork and found the item of my son’s was because they have “fallen in love” with a house for sale in Austin, Texas and they are seriously thinking about making an offer on it. Of course, they would have to downsize “to the bare bones” as my Dad put it because they don’t want to move a bunch of stuff they don’t need half way across the states.
The give me a quick run down of the house and I know why they are in love with it but its hard for me to process what they are saying. My brain is screaming at me and it’s like I can hear that voice over the load speakers in the disaster movies that is calmly saying, “Walk…Don’t run…Please don’t panic”. Yeah right!
My parents walk out of the house blissfully unaware that they have blindsided me out of left field and that my entire body is in melt down. I watch their car leave the neighborhood and feel my body shaking as the tears start to fall. Next thing I know my tears are a torrent and I am crying as if someone I love has just died.
Okay, I get that it is their life. They are retired and can do whatever they want to do but mind and my heart is desperately screaming “but what about me?” I don’t want to have my parents move away and I miss out on the time that is left with my mom’s memory being good. I don’t want to give up these moments where she almost seems normal. I realize it is selfish but no matter how logical I can explain their desire to move it leaves me heartsick and feeling raw with grief. I thought I was over the grief of the situation for the time being…guess I was wrong and as much as I am trying to be supportive and happy for their choices I’m really wallowing in a selfish pity party.
Lost In Thought 